Week 130
Positive post Sunday, August 11, 2019- Week 130.
Have you ever said, “You never listen to me” or “Did you hear a word I said”? Well, I’ve both said these and had them said to me. In fact, I remember when I was younger, my mom saying I had “selective hearing”. Or better yet, when my daughter Kristy was around 3 years old, I remember her saying to Michele “Can I have $5, because I need a new daddy, mine doesn’t listen to me?”. Now there’s some direct feedback.
I’ve worked hard to improve my listening skills since then and would like to think I have made some progress over the years (expecting comments from my family). However, I’m sure most would agree that true listening, where you actually hear and understand what the person speaking to you is saying, takes practice and focus and can be a lifelong effort. One of the biggest challenges is that many times we don’t listen with the intent to understand, but with the intent to reply. We would all be better listeners if we didn’t focus so intently on what we want to say or reply while someone is speaking to us.
Here is a link from Mind Tools that tests your listening skills that you may find helpful: https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/listening-quiz.htm.
I took the test and here was the result, “Your listening skills are ok, but there is definitely room for improvement”. Take the test and see how well you listen. It only takes a few minutes and if you take action and become a more effective listener, it can be life changing. If you want your result to be accurate, make sure to answer the questions based on your current actions, not how you want them to be. I found this very hard but I’m certain that’s where the “there is definitely room for improvement” came from.
Speaking of taking action, here are a few links to tips that can help us all become better listeners.
“7 Useful Tips to Better Listening – and More Learning” from Justin Bariso: https://www.inc.com/justin-bariso/7-useful-tips-to-make-you-a-better-listener.html. I encourage you to read the full article which has a more in-depth discussion on each tip but here they are:
- Don’t interrupt
- Ask discerning questions
- Focus your attention
- Forget the mechanics
- Don’t agree just to make them feel better
- Resist the urge to give a solution right away
- Be realistic
“Ten Tips for Active Listening from Barbara Bray: https://barbarabray.net/2017/09/12/10-tips-for-active-listening-2/.
Any relationship Barbara Bray? I also found the quote from Ernest Hemingway shared by Barbara attached below insightful.
I believe that improving our listening will not only help us be more respectful to others but also improve our relationships, broaden our perspective and increase our knowledge.
How good of a listener are you? What steps are you willing to take to improve your listening skills so that you don’t have the humbling experience of having one of your loved ones ask for $5 to replace you with someone who will listen to them?