Week 70
Positive post Sunday, June 17, 2018- Week 70.
Happy Father’s Day to all the fathers in my life, past and present. Father and Papa are two of the greatest titles a man can have, titles with far more responsibility and reward than any job title. I have been so blessed to have had both my grandfathers, Papa and Papa Joe, in my life while growing up. I have many fond memories like playing stickball, going to Mario’s market in Highland Park, riding the bikes in Leisure World and going to Seal Beach. I am equally blessed to continue to have my father in my life today.
Both of my papas and father have had a very positive influence in my life. They have taught me so much over the years. A few examples include the importance of having fun, being responsible, following your dreams, being ethical, working hard, always putting family first and living a life of faith (ok, that was mostly my mom and Nana).
One life lesson my papas and dad have taught me stands out among the rest, the importance of marriage. They have all three lived up to their marriage vows, “Until death do we part”. Both of my papas were loving and faithful husbands who were married until their last days and my father (and mother) will be celebrating their 63rd Anniversary in August. I am proud to follow in their footsteps. Michele Lomen Rendler, my Endless Love (our wedding song), and I will be celebrating our 35th Anniversary tomorrow. I thank the good Lord, and Michele’s mom and dad (may they be resting in peace) for the best gift a man can ever receive, a faithful and loving wife. We have so much to be thankful for, including being the parents of 5 wonderful children, Heather, Stacy, Jeffrey, Alison, and Kristy, and 9 (so far) energetic grandchildren.
For those that have read this far, I leave you with a few of my family mementos. There are 3 photos attached of 4 generations of Rendlers (I’m the child in the oldest photo with my father, grandfather and great grandfather). God willing, I will complete the cycle and take the fourth photo when my grandson Andrew is married and has a son (no pressure Andrew-Austin’s Page). This is definitely on my bucket list!
For my family, and those troopers who read to the end, below is a talk I gave on Father’s Day at Sacred Heart Church in 1997.
FATHER’S Day, 1997, SACRED HEART CHURCH
Good Morning!
It’s an honor to be asked to speak to you about being a father. I have had the pleasure of listening to many Father’s Day speakers here at church in the past and now I have been offered the opportunity to share some of my experiences with you. As many of you know, (because it’s hard to miss us) I am the proud father of 5 wonderful children, Heather, Stacy, Jeffrey, Alison and Kristy. Although this certainly doesn’t qualify me as a good father, it gave me great material for this talk.
My goal for the few minutes we have this morning is to remind us all of the awesome responsibilities and even greater rewards of being a father, and most importantly I hope that my talk encourages those of us fathers that need to, to take the time to stop and “smell the roses” and perhaps revisit our priorities, and where necessary reconcile differences. Commit this morning to take action. I plan to take you through sort of an emotional roller coaster where we can share a few laughs and perhaps an occasional tear. All right, hop aboard and fasten your seat belt and here we go.
I wanted to gain a better understanding of the role of a father to see if I was doing it right, so I wasted no time and went right to the expert my 4 ½ (not 4) year old daughter Kristy (who by the way is sitting right here in the front row). Sitting at home in our dining room I asked Kristy; what is the role of a father? Her answer as with most 4 ½ year olds was very simple yet direct; to rule this place. Seeking a deeper understanding I again asked, what is a daddy supposed to do. She replied; I give up, baby-sit and do homework. Still I persisted and went to the well just one more time when I got her final response; to have another baby boy. At that point, when I saw the gleam in her mother’s eyes I realized it was time to move on. I was going to ask my other 4 children but I felt that would be too risky.
I am often asked, how do you do it with 5 kids, I have only one (or 2) and I can’t keep up? My response to them is always the same; I am a good recruiter. Usually they stare at me with a puzzled look. Then I explain to them (you know) I recruited an angel with the most patience and compassion I have ever seen in a wife. In fact, when I reviewed her resume under career objective it stated, “To be the best mother of the most children my husband will let me have”. She is the best mother, and she has taught me so much about being a parent. I thank God for her every day.
Now, I could not stand up here before you (especially in church) and say that I have not had any challenges as a father. I have gained new skills as a referee separating my kids practicing for a wrestling career, and handed out more time outs than baskets Michael Jordan has made (slight exaggeration). I have also been accused of raising my voice so loud that a neighbor once saw the roof of our house rise. Being a father is hard work, and like anything, to get good at it takes practice, practice, practice. Simply having children does not make you a good father any more than having a piano makes you a good pianist or having a baseball mitt makes you a good ball player. Just look at the time commitment of accomplished musicians and successful athletes. Or look how much time and practice we put into our careers. Being a father is a career and putting as much time and effort into it as we do for our regular careers can be far more rewarding.
I still consider myself a father in training with five little teachers. Although I am clearly prejudiced, I have great kids who often send me subtle hints when I am failing as a father. I will never forget the one night in July several years ago, when I came home late from work. It literally changed my life. I had been working late and had not been home very often in the past several weeks (something that I am sure many of you can relate to). My daughter Alison, who was about 2 years old at the time, was standing in the dining room when I walked in the house. I was so happy to see her and was running up to hug her when she took one look at me in fear ran crying “mommy mommy” to my wife. You see, she didn’t recognize me, let alone know that I was her father. Later that night I went up to her room to tuck her in and received the same response. Needless to say, I needed to make some changes in my life.
This story is still difficult for me to share today, but I feel it is important because I know that there are other soon to be or new dads out there that can benefit from it. There is a happy ending to this story, Alison who is now 8 (or 81/2) is often the first one to greet me with a hug and kiss when I get home from work now.
Remember that I said being a father is hard work and it takes practice? Well, I’m still practicing. Just a few months ago, Kristy (remember that’s my 4 ½ year old) asked my wife Michele while I was standing right there preoccupied with something, “Mommy do you have $15 bucks”. Michele asked, “For what”? To which Kristy replied, “I need a new daddy ours doesn’t listen”. What a wakeup call to be told that you are only worth $15. Just yesterday I asked her how I have been doing lately, and how much I was worth now. She said a million seventeen. Now that’s a strong return on an investment!
A Father’s Day talk would not be complete without a message for all fathers. My message to all the soon to be, new and experienced fathers out there (including myself) is simple yet direct. Love your children like you don’t know if they will be there tomorrow because you don’t know if they will be. My message is the same for children of all ages. Make time to spend with each other and your parents and, if needed, reconcile and resolve your differences. This life is too short, and you may not get many chances. Take the first step, the next ones are easier and the rewards are endless. I would also like to take just a moment of silence to recognize those fathers who are unable to join us today because they are with our holy father in heaven.
Well it’s about time to end the roller coaster ride, but before we undue our safety belts and hop out of the coaster to take a deep breath, I want to close in a very special way. I, like many of you am very busy and as you can see from my stories above, I have on occasion lost sight of my priorities. In fact, I almost turned down this opportunity to speak to you because I was just too busy. As you will see in a moment, what a mistake that would have been.
I would like to spend a moment and share with you the role my father has played in my life. As I am often reminded, thanks to me, my father had plenty of practice at being a father. Have you ever heard the statement, “I can’t wait until you have kids”? And now that I do, my parents just chuckle when I share some of the challenges we are facing. They sound all too familiar.
To be successful at any endeavor, a mentor is a big asset. That is how I see my dad. I had a great role model growing up. I remember the endless hours my dad spent coaching me in baseball and football, and I now find myself coaching my son Jeff in baseball and soccer. Although my dad was always busy he always made time for me, and he was there when I needed him. He unselfishly made personal and financial sacrifices to offer me the opportunity to earn a catholic school education all the way through high school and a college degree. He made sure that I had the spiritual and moral stability we all so desperately need in this often unfair and testing world. He always stressed the importance of family and marriage, and he led by example. He always goes to church and has been married to my mom for over 40 years. That is quite an accomplishment in this day and age where many marriages don’t survive.
Our family, like many families, has had to deal with the loss of many loved ones in the past few years. When I listen and reflect on the eulogies I have personally given and the recent ones I have heard, I have always felt that it is a shame that we often wait until funerals to share the kind words. How often have you heard people say, “I wish I would have told him that when he was living”? One of the many rewards I get from speaking to you today is that I get to publicly thank my father for all his love and the time he has invested in me. And I can’t think of a more appropriate time and place than on father’s day in front of our many friends in our parish community.
Well dad, in front of my parish and my friends I just wanted to tell you how much I love you and how much your support and mentoring has meant to me. It is often not until later in life that we begin to truly appreciate the important things and special people in our lives. Dad, I appreciate you. A close friend of mine’s father used to tell him, “Remember to keep a kind heart before god”. You clearly do. With all the unfortunate things happening in our world these days, including the separation of family members for various reasons like death and unresolved disputes, I count my blessings to be able to ask my father to stand and say “dad, I love you and thank you for all you have done for me and our family”. We have a tradition here at our parish, when a speaker is finished we give them a round of applause. I would like to extend our tradition this morning and ask my fellow parishioners to stand up and give my dad Kenneth Frederick Rendler a standing ovation for being a model father, my father!